misc #3
September 19, 2008
there’s something appealing about dropping snippets of my life into a numbered list for someone else’s consumption. like a sample plate of desserts, if you will. or a flight of wines?
i’m here in sydney this morning, listening to sade, peppered with the caws and tweets of local birds (which are everywhere, btw.) slowly getting ready for a full day on a motorcycle with the friend i’m staying with. we rented bikes yesterday and already have explored the bustle of the city on a friday night. i can’t think of a more perfect way to see the sydney opera house for the first time than on a motorcycle, coming around a blind corner and it being there, catching light, right in front on me across the water. it’s true that it is so much more amazing in person.
amazing.
so as my appetite and coffee cravings wake up, i will provide a 3rd list of a few more miscellanous thoughts for you to consume:
1. gluten free products: this is something that continues to confound me. wheat and gluten sensitivities is not an uncommon thing, yet in san francisco it’s not an easy thing to accommodate unless you know where to shop, how to cook and are versed in the time consuming practice of reading every label, everywhere. and i’ll admit, i’m a little luckier than others in that i can eat gluten here and there — but overall, avoid if because in general, my belly does not approve. and yet i travel to places like new york and am able, for the first time in a long time, eat a pizza out, because they offer gluten free crusts. and then, i come to australia. i am in heaven. EVERYWHERE it seems, offers gluten free options: cakes, cookies, bread, pasta…wow! foods that i have to avoid everywhere except my own kitchen…and i’m feeling a little overwhelmed. what to do? i actually ordered a plate of pasta the other night – because I COULD. not because i necessarily wanted to eat pasta, but simply because i could. and as we’re debating where to hit up this morning for some coffee and grub on our way out of town, i am learning that bakeries, restaurants and cafes with gluten free options abound…of course, with the added piece of information: “well, this is glebe”. (the part of town i’m staying in). what?
2. do you remember, long before the hysteria of airport security gripped us into silent, unsmiling submission, that we used to be able to meet friends and families arriving actually at the gate? in melbourne, as i was waiting for my flight to sydney, there was a family milling around in a familiar way, yet i couldn’t quite figure it out. they must be waiting for a flight, i assumed, yet without any luggage and with an excitement, these days, so unseen at airports. so i watched. from afar. and then as the flight arrived at the gate, it all came rushing back to me. waiting at the airport for my grandparents as a child, or even later, in high school, making welcome signs and bringing flowers or balloons to friends as they would return back home. do you remember? there is a sweetness in this moment, as the kids ran up to their arriving grandparents, the look of joy flashing across everyone’s space. i miss these moments…this sweetness that made travel so enjoyable. i hope someday we will be able to bring it back again…i get lost in a daydream now of what it could be like to be greeted by this show of love and connection each time i walked off a plane…
3. netball. i suppose i could ask, but what is it? supposedly it’s what the girls play here. huh.
ok. so there is more i want to say but i am getting “gently” encouraged to get dressed…and go ride!
wallabies and kangaroos…here i come!
the flow.
August 15, 2008
how many times over the years have i heard people say to me, in either a calming or a frustrated tone, “just go with the flow!” and yet, to really just go with the flow and accept all that it brings, isn’t necessarily the easiest task at hand.
in trusting the flow of the day, of life, of the adventure before us, things happen that if we pay enough attention to, will inevitably teach us something. something we need to know. something that is relevant to our life. today.
knowing this. i am sitting here in the jfk airport, going with the flow, 15 hours after i first got here, wondering what i am supposed to learn. i have somewhere between 3 and 7 more hours here (depending on which flight i get on)…if nothing else goes awry — so perhaps the learning is still to come. and so i sit with my laptop, cross-legged atop my new suitcase, watching. learning. taking it all in. i don’t feel like i have the creative capacity to organize thoughts tonight/this morning (it is actually 3:48am…) so instead i will just share an observations or two of my jfk adventures…
1. i am surrounded by europeans, wondering why they would travel to the US for holiday…and then am quickly reminded of how the euro kicks some serious us dollar ass. i see entire families on vacation together…of course, all hitting new york and then skipping the middle of the country and journeying directly over to san francisco. there are italians. dutch. french. germans. i am reminded of the 6 months many many years ago that i traveled in europe…exploring and trying to figure out how who i was, who i wanted to be. how to be more stylish, more grown-up…basically, less american. i can’t say it necessarily worked. i found a bunch of pictures from that year recently, and it’s scarily obvious who the american girl is. nevertheless, i somehow convinced fellow travelers that i was canadian. (perhaps this is where my canadia-phile tendencies came from?) in watching so many young travelers, also experiencing the discomfort of an american airport-cum-hostel, i am reminded so much of me at 18. a whole crew of us waiting for the ferry from belgium to dover…we were all sitting in the terminal, luggage strewn around, people curled up with bags, each other, trying to get sleep. others, too amped to sleep, talking frantically with each other in a variety of languages…it’s the middle aged couple from texas that of course stands out. perhaps it’s the orange jumper the woman is wearing or the tightly cinched and pleated khaki shorts her husband sports…or simply the fact that they talk at least 6 decibels louder than anyone else there. most importantly, i am there, traveling on my own. meeting new friends. exploring new worlds. finally tasting freedom. taking bold and tentative steps in self-discovery…and remembering that always, there are moments in my life that have completely transformed me. physically jolted me onto another path…the time in belgium, france and germany that year was by far one of the key moments for me. perhaps i need to remember that for some reason…
2. or maybe this is what i’m supposed to learn (or rather, admit). i am lonely. deeply really lonely. sitting her makes me realize just how lonely i am. i want to connect. i want to actually talk to someone right now. not just in my head…or via twitter, a wonderful app that presumes friends are listening…but no, i want someone here with me. and i want it bad. i am struck with the intensity of this desire because it is not about not wanting to be alone — it is about wanting to connect with someone i love in this space. to have the friends and family networks surrounding me the ways i see it happening for everyone else (ok, maybe not everyone)…from the young italian toddler being chased around the waiting area by who i am assuming are her grandparents, to a large group of french travelers, all related, i am guessing, based on rapport and snippets of conversation i overhear…i really do miss having someone significant in my life — who i connect with — on all the mundane and huge aspects of life. i am surprised at the intensity of this desire…i have gotten so used to being on my own these past few years — especially traveling on my own. in fact, the last time i intentionally traveled with someone else, it was to southeast asia with jill. that was over 3 years ago…and traveling. i do so goddamn much of it these days — and i’m always on my own. it hasn’t really bugged me at all…until today. tonight. this morning. i don’t want to do this alone any more.
so these are 2 observations of this long wait that i offer unto you, dear reader. perhaps there will be more. perhaps instead, i will be sleeping, snuggled up and cozy in my own bed…soon, very soon, i keep telling myself. it will happen. so with that, i close my eyes and drift off…
