prude?
August 31, 2008
alright. now, let’s talk about sex.
yesterday, i wove in and out of a colorful fabric of social spaces – tossing stories, ideas, theories and world visions back and forth with a new friend – and it is those words that are sticking with me today. making me think. inspiring my muse. poking holes through assumptions in my world.
i find myself intrigued. wanting more. wanting to reach into the new world being formed between us by our words, both said and unsaid, to feel the texture of the velveteen petals of a flower resting there.
we talked of choice. our choices. the choices of others. the possibility and freedom to choose. how to use our bodies — who and what we take in…or leave out. how we learn to explore those choices through the people and objects that float in and out of our lives in the myriad moments that make up the whole. and how some of these choices have shifted into boundaries, frames or even the foundations of self-awareness.
and last night, i made a choice. i made a choice to say no. to sex. for now. and this is new. a first. granted, not the first time i said no to sex…but rather, the first time i said no to sex when i really wanted it. the first time i chose to step back from the ledge of desire, bow in thanks to the gods…and walk away.
i made the choice to readjust a pattern i have lived with for years. a pattern that does not serve me…or anyone else. i made the choice to live more consciously in the core of my truth. to offer myself the space to learn. to want. to stay. and i made the choice because this is someone i like. and i’m finding that i like flirting with the possibility that i won’t disappear and run away from connection and friendship — as i have so many times before.
pondering this decision today has been sounding a bit like a broken record in my head:
“wow. i said no?”
“yeah. and actually, this feels good. (smile)”
“really? i said no?”
“ah fuck, does this mean i’ve become a prude?”
(sigh)
“nah…i like sex (wicked smile)”
“wow. i said no?”
(repeat)
so to end the circularity of talking to myself (i can go on for hours like this), i decided to ask a friend her thoughts. she laughed and provided a different perspective that actually. it’s not that i’m becoming a prude. i’m just simply growing up. and choosing to relate in healthy ways with myself and with others.
hmmm.
yet, as i love language and words and meaning, i couldn’t stop there. i needed to feed my curiousity about the linguistic history of this word. i was shocked to discover that in fact, in its original form (in old french: prode) the word was exactly what my friend was describing: being wise and prudent.
fuck. maybe i am becoming a prude after all.
a dating game.
August 30, 2008
to reclaim the words of salt-n-pepa, let’s talk about sex baby. well, more precisely, let’s talk about dating. that word we all toss back and forth in everyday speech — and yet a word that really isn’t as simple to define as you’d think – given how easily it gets used.
and not surprisingly, i am far from the first to blog on this question. any simple search brings up a lot of writing that has been invested into trying to define this “thing” we all seem to do…with all the wrong people, all the right people…or just with the same person over and over again.
three years ago i got out of one of those multi-year, live-together, let’s-talk-about-kids-and-buy-a-house-together lesbionic relationships and with all the grief and healing that ensued, i have since been off focused on many other things…and dating wasn’t really one of them. nevertheless, there were a number of folks who crossed my path in fun and sexy ways…most emerging from a place some of you may be familiar with, that ubiquitous “oh, we’re having sex now. i guess we’re dating, right?”
as i found these affairs, if you will, a bit distracting and highly triggering (so much anger still to work through!) i chose to take some intentional time off from dating — or more simply put, i made a conscious decision not to get involved with anyone romantically and/or sexually. as that time has come to a close, i am now putting myself back out there — meeting new people, making new friends…and dare i say it, going on dates. but are they dates? what actually constitutes a date?
since no one i’ve asked so far seems to have the “answer”, i’ve started polling people more broadly to see if there’s something more i could learn. cuz i’m curious. and if i’m going to have fun with this dating “game”, it helps to know the rules…so i know how to break them!
so, what do you think?
i’m also curious about your thoughts about the following thread that has come up in a number of conversations:
a date is something that is much more clear and defined within straight community — but in queer community, it’s a little more muddled. or really muddled. i mean, there are entire books written on that subject! but i digress…
really, i’d love just to hear your thoughts. your stories. and hey, if you’ve got some advice, i’m all ears!
bring it on.
